Why Do So Many Christians Secretly Hate Themselves?

Almost all Christians struggle with self-loathing. Get rid of that simply and easily.

I have had entire years where I would think every day,” I wish I were dead.”

I could control the thoughts to some extent by cutting back on sugar. I would tell myself I was foolish, because life was basically good. Which was true. I was a homeschooling mom who basically enjoyed everything I did in a day.

But still this sentence would float through my mind.

I once talked to a homeopath about this recurring thought. I thought I was really baring my soul, and honestly hoped that she wouldn’t report me for a suicide watch.

Instead she laughed and said, “Oh, that’s really common. Most people deal with that.”

But the homeopathic remedy she gave, though helpful in many ways, did not offer permanent relief in this area.

When I was 40, I went to a conference on healing prayer, led by Judith MacNutt, who started doing ministry in the 1970s, and eventually co-founded Christian Healing Ministries with her husband Francis. After more than forty years of intense prayer and love pouring out, she spoke in June 2019 about how, in her experience, between 90% and 98% of Christians deal with some level of self-loathing.

The people that God loves, the people who are part of his family, the people Jesus died for, hate themselves.

Sounds like the thief who comes only to lie, kill, and destroy.

These thoughts are so common that Judith asked every person in the room to stand. She said “If you have dealt with thoughts of death or self-hatred at any time in your life, we need break that off of you.”

She spoke of the death wish as the voice that says, “I won’t kill myself, but maybe, God, you can take me out.”

When our body hears that, in some way, it gives up. Healing becomes more difficult if our body thinks, “If you don’t appreciate me, maybe I won’t try so hard to be well.”

In Judith’s decades of experience of healing prayer ministry, she has found that the turning point in healing is often the renunciation of the death wish.

Once we stood up, we repeated these simple words out loud:

“Spirit of death, I rebuke you in the name of the Lord Jesus. I bind you, and I send you to Jesus. Go directly to him; don’t go into anyone else. And, Lord, in the place of the spirit of death, bless us with your life. Jesus, you said that you came that we might have life, and have it abundantly, and that is the life I receive now.”

(The MacNutts do not send any spirits to hell, but rather send them all to Jesus. For Francis, he wondered if always casting evil spirits into hell makes you a bit hard. Francis feels that it’s a good safeguard to your own spirit to send everything to Jesus.)

This was not the only healing I received that weekend, but this was one of the powerful turning points. I left that conference feeling incredibly light and blessed and joyful.

And it wasn’t a mountaintop experience, because that implies a return to regular life. I haven’t returned to the place I was before.

That simple sentence, that few days of healing prayer, brought lasting change.

One interesting coda. When I went to the conference, I had not been in a season of thinking, “I wish I were dead” for some years. But four days after I returned home, that sentence flitted through my mind. No real reason—at that moment I was sitting in the sun, at peace.

But when it came to mind, I knew what to do.

“Spirit of death, you are not welcome here. I rebuke you, bind you, and send you directly to Jesus. I bless myself with life. Thank you, Lord.”

That sentence has not come back again. But if it did, I would again bind it and cast it out.

Refresh

Break off the spirit of death.

Spirit of death, I rebuke you in the name of the Lord Jesus. I bind you, and I send you to Jesus. Go directly to him, and don’t go into anyone else. And, Lord, in the place of the spirit of death, I bless myself with life. Jesus, you said that you came that we might have life, and have it abundantly, and that is the life I receive now.

Going Forward

You may never again deal with the same negative thoughts.

But you might need to do a follow-up prayer along these lines again, as I did.

Don’t be frustrated with yourself or your prayers. Simply pray again, and then move on with life.

And spread the word. If up to 98% of Christians deal with this, almost all of your friends can also use this healing prayer.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

Amy Joy

P.S. This was a bonus email after the original 21 day Prayer Refresh.

To get on this life-changing email series, go to https://praybig.me/refresh.