How to Tell Conviction from Condemnation
Conviction is specific, resolves, and leaves no regret. The vague apology for being alive is something else entirely.
A week ago I had a very beautiful time during Yom Kippur, repenting of various things. So satisfying, to sense the conviction of the Holy Spirit and pray through it.
A few days later, though, I realized: I was wanting to apologize for everything.
If Bob and I were having a business call: “Oh, Bob, I just talked for ten minutes. I'm so sorry. Maybe I could have said that in seven.”
Then that sense of wanting to apologize started to grow.
I don’t think I’m usually an overly apologetic person. I try to be willing to ask for forgiveness when I need to (important, even if unpleasant).
But after a few days, I realized: I feel like I’m wandering around, apologizing for my existence.
Ugh!
That is not actually from the Lord. If the Lord were correcting me, I would recognize a specific thing to repent of, and could ask forgiveness for something wrong that I had done.
But a vague apology for being alive is not part of the Lord’s correction.
Godly sorrow? Yes. General apology for existence? No.
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death" (2 Corinthians 7:10).
Apparently Catholic moral theology uses the word “scrupulosity” for a sense of guilt over sins not actually committed.
Lord, for any place of condemnation or performance, for any place of inferiority, any place of comparison, any scrupulosity, any place of minimizing the gifts you’ve given us—we want to say no to those things. For any place of shame, that says, “I am something wrong,” instead of the acknowledgement of guilt, “I did something wrong”—deliver us.
Please silence the voice of the accuser, who speaks lies over our identity, and seeks to mute us and restrict how we respond to you, Lord, and how we respond to the world.
We want to join you in celebrating who you've made us to be, that we would be expressing the fullness of who you are, and not apologizing for the fullness of who we are.
Lord, may we continue to have soft hearts to hear your voice, to correct the things that need to be corrected. Thank you, Lord, for the gifts that you offer. We ask for the full expression of them in our lives. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
Thank God who gives us the victory, through our Lord Jesus the Messiah,
Amy Joy
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